Inspiration

I'm sure that most people will tell you that they get their best ideas from talking to people they know or about things that happen in their own lives.  Others dream about things they wish would happen to them.  Somehow my inspiration comes at really random times.  Aside from closing my eyes and seeing the characters play out their own lives, as I have mentioned before, I also get weird little flashes while I'm doing something completely different than writing or thinking about writing.  I was walking up the stairs yesterday looking for a random item for Thing 1 or Thing 2 and bam, a great idea came to me.  I wasn't even thinking about my books.  How can looking for socks suddenly give you flash of brilliance that has been a plot problem for over a month?  I don't get it.  It will only be one sentence or one image and suddenly it makes hundreds of other things make sense.  It's like finding the missing dot in the connect the dot puzzle that you didn't even know was missing.  (Now the lion has a extra whisker that balances out his face better.)

My other source of inspiration is driving alone in the car, which of course is the worst place to have an idea.  I'm terrible at recording what I'm thinking.  I end up not even using what I said on tape.  Instead, I have to wait until I get to my destination and email myself on my phone the general outline.  To anyone walking past my car, it would look like I was having a texting war with someone.  I look intense and my thumbs are going a mile a minute trying to remember everything from a 30 minute car ride. 

I also find that my characters help me out as well.  As we all know this series has been sitting in my head forever and I have pictured what it looks like a million times.  Well, it took a character to enter into one of the Halls and look around and make a random comment to change something completely.  He added a history to the location that even I didn't know.  How the heck does that happen?  I have been there for 16 years and in 1 second he tells me something I never knew.  I was floored by that one.  It still gives me chills. 

I should be angry with my characters for changing my writing.  I will think about something and have this whole conversation or idea in my head and the second I put my hands on the keyboard and start writing for the character that is supposed to have the conversation, his or her voice takes over and the conversation completely changes.  Apparently they are a lot smarter than I am since their conversation comes out so much better than my original one.  I should be jealous or concerned that I'm losing my mind.  Either way, I usually happy with the result.  I find that when I write in my own voice, like in my blog, it's never as interesting as when I can channel the voice of the character.  (I usually delete what I wrote and let the character's voice win.)  It's funny when I got back and read the dialog and laugh out loud because I either forgot what I wrote, or it so completely fits the character's attitude.

The last 2 nights I've had trouble deciding on how to work a number of ideas and places into my first book.  I had to erase most of it because I hated it and it didn't feel right.  I realized that I had lost my character's voice.  Once I let them speak, I suddenly had the scene from the correct perspective and was actually able to write something decent.  What a relief.  Now if I only had the time and energy to write everything that I want to write.  I have forced myself to refocus on book one otherwise it will never get done as I play with the other books.  I'm dying to get to 12 now that I have an outline, and 8 since it doesn't seem as daunting anymore.  Even 5 would be more fun.  Sadly, you sometimes have to start at the beginning.  I have the pieces of the puzzle, I just need to get my crayons out and color them to match the rest of the puzzle. 

Why Write Romance?

While most people wouldn't bat an eye lash over someone writing a paranormal novel given the popularity of scary monsters and sexy vampires in our culture, many of them will raise an eye brow, or two when you tell them that you are writing a romance novel.  I get many interesting responses when I decide to share my secret with people that I know.  The responses range from interest and questions, to, "oh, that's nice", while changing the subject.  Others just don't quite know what to say.  The funny thing is, we are all adults and it's obvious that they enjoy intimacy with their spouses, yet it's still considered risque to talk about.  I try to limit my conversations when people hear that I am writing a book series and keep it vague on purpose.  Wouldn't want to offend anyone.  That isn't certainly is the kind of person I'm writing for anyway.  I am writing for the people who need a little kick start in their day who, even if they have intimacy, may enjoy hearing from someone else about their different experiences with relationships.  I know I do.

I didn't start reading romance novels, or even books, until I decided to read Twilight.  Before that I was more of a movie person, despite being an English major and writing for fun in my spare time when I was younger.  I always like vampires, so don't think Twilight turned me on to the paranormal, I have always been interested in the strange stuff.  But once I read Twilight, I realized that I could read for enjoyment instead of the books that I hated reading for English classes.  Much like me telling my son to write about things that interest him and blowing his mind, this book showed me that I could care about a character I had never seen in a movie (obviously I read it before the movie came out) and could make a connection to.  Up to that point in my life I had read Shakespeare, which was interesting, and some other books that were okay, but the majority of them were classics like Paradise Lost, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Tom Sawyer, The Yearling, The House of the Seven Gables, 1985, Brave New World, and the like.  While I could relate to some of the Shakespeare characters, as a kid I had trouble relating to fawns, kids from Missouri painting fences, futuristic government controlled worlds, new civilizations, odd mind altering drugs in a supposed Utopian society vs savage worlds and a house that had seven gables (my English teacher that year, God rest her soul, was terrible at teaching House of the Seven Gables and combined two different characters into one...Malborne Holgrave...even after being told by my one friend who had read the book, that she was making a mistake...so I only remember that much about the book).  My mind was had always been dark and has always sought out disturbing and dangerous characters.  Kids from Missouri who paint fences may have been real trouble makers at the time, but are not what I would consider dangerous.  Being a goody two shoes my whole life and having suffered from some seriously disturbing life altering situations, I tended to seek out the darkness to appease the side of me that was angry and frustrated with my life since I couldn't change it.  I channeled all my rage into the evil side of the stories.  I cheered for Maleficent when she turned into a dragon.  I wanted Keifer's vampire to win.  I would have been chosen for Slytherin.  So I had trouble finding my niche when it came to stories.

When I found Edward Cullen and his sullen life, I became addicted to him.  In my head, I removed his in action and recreated him into someone who had the best of both worlds.  He could kill with his teeth, yet he still got the girl.  In many senses I made him my own, just like most of the world.  What I was surprised to find was that I enjoyed the intimate moments that he shared with Bella.  Because of his raw power and killing potential, he had to force back his dark side and make himself kinder for her.  In many ways, I felt the same way.  I had to curb my anger and hatred and become kinder if I wanted my relationships to work out.  It was because of Edward that I remembered what it was like to want intimacy.  I had been going through a hard time in my life and I forgotten how to connect to people because of my pain.  <3 were having trouble talking to each other and remembering why weren't close anymore.  Edward unlocked some of the feelings that I kept hidden like, desire and love and kindness and compassion.  When people are in turmoil, they seal off the parts of themselves that can be hurt, to save themselves, and only show people what will keep their enemies at bay.  We snarl and growl to keep people away and protect ourselves.  Edward showed me how defensive and cold I had become.  In short, Edward helped me remember my softer side.  Ironic that a vampire, the creature I had turn to when I was angry with the world, could help me open up and discover what I was holding back.

After Edward, I wanted to find other books that would help to chisel away the ice inside of me.  I needed something to restart the fire and passion within me that I had buried.  My outer shell was too tough for anyone to get through so I needed to crack through it myself to be able to reach out to people. They certainly weren't getting in, so I had to get out.  I went to Barnes and Nobles and wandered into the taboo Romance section and was embarrassed at first.  What if someone saw the me there, oh no?  I picked up a novel and took it home and read it.  While the genre wasn't right, the cover had mislead me, I did find a little of what I was looking for.  I got to read about an impossible relationship and how the characters were attracted to each other and compatible, yet had to overcome great adversity to be together.  That was exactly how I felt.  Once I found the right genre, I made the connection complete.  I read about vampires who's emotions were locked away since they were warriors and how they found someone who made them want to change.  I read about how they learned how to love someone and be intimate.  Ultimately it helped me on many levels.  I found my passionate side, which is always fun.  But I also learned to how to trust someone.  I had to learn that it was okay for me to give a part of myself to them for safe keeping.  I didn't have to keep this wall around me to protect myself, even though I was already sharing my life with someone.  It taught me to rely on someone else for emotional support.  It showed me that I don't have to be an island onto myself.  For the first I trusted someone enough to be intimate.  So I fell in love with the genre.

My heroine was locked in Hell for years and years before I allowed to her to return to the human world.  In Hell she had been miserable, wandering around lost and insecure.  She feared everything and never grew up.  After years of holding her hostage, I finally let her interact with people.  That's when she found her romance.  Orginally, I came up with different men for her to deal with and learn from.  Over time she developed relationships with them.  That's when my story started to write itself.  Granted, as I've said, the characters in my head for 16 years aren't exactly the characters that I'm writing now, but the characters now have more substance to them.  When I started envisioning the men in her life, it was because they were cute or friendly, but once I started writing them, they took on problems and issues of their own.  In writing about her getting through to her men, I realized that I am writing about people getting through my own wall.  I have been able to throw all of my pain and experiences into my characters so that they can hold onto the pain for me and I can breath again. 

So when I write about romance, it isn't just about the intimacy between the characters, it'ss more about how they got to that point and what is going on in the moment.  They are allowing themselves to trust someone for the first time.  They are finding out that it's okay to have love and be loved.  That no matter what they did up to this point, they still deserve to be happy.  Most romance novels have that message at its core.  Unfortunately most people can't see past the bedroom moments to dig deeper into the message leading up to and following the bedroom scene.  I have cried more at my romance novels than I have from any of the books I read in High School or College and I think that's a good thing.  If you cry, that means you are connecting to something, whether good or bad.  While I may have cried with the deer died, it wasn't as gut wrenching as having a hardened man who had endured years of abuse finally embrace someone and tell them that they love them.  It gets my every time because it gives me hope.  At least they could eat the deer to survive if they needed to.

Good vs. Evil

When you come up with characters, you have to decide on whether or not your character will be considered good or evil.  There are plenty of gray areas in between to play with, but usually a character has to fall on their side of the line.  What happens when you have a character that has traditionally known to be evil and has been portrayed as a fiend forever but turns out to be good?  Can they overcome the predisposed notions that people have of them?  People have been turning vampires and werewolves from the horror novel/movie bad guys into redeemable people, worthy of love and human relationships.  Audiences have been falling in love these reformed evil creatures and now adore them.  Yet, there are still plenty of evil vampires out there to give us a good scare and remind up to lock our doors and windows at night.

What happens when you take a character that had been predetermined to be good and turn them evil?  I have been dealing a lot with angels in my books, but they aren't the Heavenly creatures that save people from burning buildings.  These angels all once started out as good creatures, but over time have been influenced by humanity and their wicked free will.  Now the shiny beautiful creatures are tarnished and are choosing sides.  Will they stay with God?  Will they strike out on their own?  I am playing with the ideas of good characters being less than good and evil characters being less than evil.  I don't think good and evil are as cut and dry anymore.  Evil has become redeemable, but what about good?

Think about the night in shining armor that rescues the girl from the dragon and the action hero that kills the bad guys and gets to kiss the girl in the end.  Now what happens if the dragon was really the one who was trying to rescue the girl and the night in shining armor had ulterior motives and wasn't really trying to hurt the girl?  What if the bad guys that are killed by the action hero are the ones who were stalking our supposed hero because he was running an illegal drug ring and our bad guys were really vigilantes helping the girl?  The lines become blurred when you try and decide a character's motivation.  Some of them are doing what is considered evil but for the right reasons.  How is a girl to know who to believe?  It becomes a matter of perspective.  I think it's time for the girl to decide for herself who's motivations are true and who is trying to snow her.  If it seems too good to be true, then it probably is.  Or maybe she should stop looking to her white knight to come along and get herself out of trouble.

While I'm trying to write a strong female character, I still want her to fall in love and care for people, but at the same time, I'm trying to teach her that black isn't necessarily evil and white isn't always good.  She has to evaluate each situation and decide for herself what is real.  I want her to forget about the preconceived notions of different creatures and look at what they are doing before deciding to trust them.  Maybe there shouldn't be good vs evil.  Maybe there should just be, open your eyes and ears and figure out what makes sense.

The End Game

I was trying to sleep last night and I was stressing about what to do with the last of my character books, book 12.  (Book 13 is a finale book with all of the characters joining together or maybe it will be the beginning of something new.  Who knows?)  I have decided which characters will be introduced in each book, even if I don't know all there is to know about them yet.  I have a basic character structure for my main people and have an idea about how they will act.  Of course they tend to surprise me once I start writing for them.  Anyway, during my sleeplessness I came up with the plot for book 12.  This one has been driving me nuts since it's a difficult premise to deal with.  Happily I found my muse for the main character in this book and it took off from there. 

I had been toying with the idea of having a human bad guy for this one.  My heroine has faced off against monsters, vampires, werewolves and all the traditionally scary things of the paranormal, but she hasn't had to battle someone who was still human and completely evil. At least not as a main bad guy. So I came up with a basic plot, which of course will change once I start writing it, but at least something is down in print.  As I was thinking about the scenario and what the villain was like, I started to hated to truly hate my villain.  I think I hate him more than any other bad guy so far. 

It's easy to dismiss evil when it comes in the form of a creature that was either created to be evil or is synonymous with being bad.  Kill a vampire or a werewolf in their truest monstrous form and no one will cry for them.  Shoot a zombie and people start to cheer.  Kill a human villain, that's tricky.  You stop and think, can they be redeemed?  Will people cry for the human?

Have a person who is living and breathing makes you stop and decide how to handle him.  Do you keep him alive because killing people is wrong?  Do you have him go through the justice system and roll the dice?  Given that this isn't a criminal justice book, I doubt they will have to go through jury selection for this guy.  Yet it isn't so cut and dry.  You kill the monster without thought, unless you think there is some good in them.  Do you kill off the human who is doing more harm than some of the monsters you've faced?  Tough question.  That is something that I will have to decide once I write the end of the book. 

In the end, I'm just grateful to finally have a strong enough story that I think will provide enough for me to write about and enough for people to be interested in.  Hopefully I can sleep better tonight, though I still have to deal with Book 9 and 10 and 11, so we shall see.