Changing the Name of the Game

When I first came up with the idea of writing a series, I had created a title for the series and the individual books.  I thought that the name best represented the books and what they were about.  For three years I have been writing these books and have identified them by these titles.  The name had become ingrained in my subconscious.  The problem came when it was time to publish the first book. 

When we started designing the cover, my husband suggested that the title was too common.  Since I write paranormal romance, there are a lot of similar themes across the genre.  Everyone writes about ghosts, vampires, werewolves, zombies, angels, etc.  My book involves all of them, but primarily focuses on fallen angels.  If you do a Google search on any of these themes, you will find scores of books with similar titles.  You can't throw a rock without hitting the word "angel", especially "fallen angel".  I was disheartened to realize that I needed a new title, one that still captured the essence of the book, but was easier to find amongst all the carbon copy titles.  

I wallowed in my grief for about two minutes, and then I pushed ahead.  I knew it was the right decision if I wanted to be noticed.  So for the next ten minutes, we were in a panic trying to come up with an alternate title.  We googled different ways of saying angel, apocalypse, Hell, and harbingers, but we got nowhere fast.  I was still stunned, so I wracked my brain searching for a better title. It was then that a phrase was thrown out by my husband.  It was a simple phrase, but it was relevant to the story, just in a smaller way.  As soon as he said the title, I had a fluttering sensation in the pit of my stomach.  The more I tested it and rolled it around my head, the more I accepted the new name.

We quickly googled the title and couldn't come up with anything of significance.  I breathed a sigh of relief and watched as the title appeared on the cover of my book.  While I still missed the old title, I knew it was for the best.  I didn't think it would be as successful if I had stuck to my guns and kept the old title. 

As writers, we tend to fall in love with our characters and our story lines and are resistant to change when a suggestion is made.  The problem comes when we are too stubborn to admit that the change could make a huge difference.  I'm thankful that I was in a flexible mood that day and was willing to listen since I do believe it will make a difference.

I still have to get used to the idea that the "Fallen Angels of Temptation" has now become "The Third Throne", but it's slowly sinking in.  Now I just have to change my internal working documents on my future books, and I will be set.

Sunlight vs. Darkness

It seems like forever that I have started a blog entry, but I am assuaging my guilt with the fact that I was holed up finishing Book 1 and working through the tedious process of editing my book.  While it is by far the worst part of the writing process and a very important one, it seems like it will never end.  The worse part is that is doesn't end, at least until it's finally in print and out or your hands.

Currently I'm going through the depressing part where others are reviewing what you have written and will either gleefully rip it apart, smile a fake smile and pretend it's great or shrugging indifferently.  I'm not sure which response I would prefer at this point.  My nerves are shot as I eagerly await feedback. 

While I have been playing the waiting game, I managed to go outside and remember what the shining thing is the sky is and that there are other food options aside from caffeine laced snacks and soda.  I almost feel like I have a life again.  So of course what do I do after a few weeks of normalcy?  I start working on the other books which are in various states of outline, partial chapters and notes.  I'm a sucker for torture.

I feel like if I don't keep going, then I will lose momentum and completely forget what I wrote in Book 1 and forget what my intended objectives are for the remaining books.  I was gleeful when I lay down, intent on taking a nap and instead envisioned huge sections for Book 2 that come in blinding glimpses of the obvious.  I, of course, had to write them down, and then edit them, and the expound upon them and ultimately forsake my nap.

I am constantly amazed that as well I pretend to know about the world that I'm writing about, I'm taken by surprise by all the things I never knew about.  I almost feel like a new reader who is starting a book and turning the pages as quickly as possible to find out what happens next, except that I'm writing the new pages and trying to get to the next one as fast as I can type.  It's an exciting experience, if not a little frustration since I want to know how it ends too.

There are days when I think, even if no one else ever reads my books, at least I will have had the amazing opportunity of writing them and getting this interesting world down into print.  Other days I hope like heck that someone will read it and tell others and before you know it, tons of people love it.  Of course every writer feels that way.  I'm just another in a sea of millions, but who cares?  I'm doing what I want to do, hopefully.

While it was fun to play in the sunlight for a little while and actually read books that I hadn't written, it's more enticing and interesting to sneak back into the darkness of my room, lit only by my monitor and explore the places inside my head that make me type as fast as I possibly can.

I know more blog posts will follow now that I'm securely back in the curtain drawn room where the sunlight is just a myth and a concept.  All the really intriguing things live in the dark. 

Balancing Work and Writing

I have to admit that I am not a full time writer, though there are times that I think I would like to be one.  Given that I am still in the process of writing my series, I still have to pay the bills in someway.  So, since I must work and take care of my family and dogs, I have to find the time to write.  Thankfully I have a husband that supports me, usually, as long as the house isn't falling apart while I'm in my writing cave.  Yet, even with the support of my family, I still have to find a few precious hours here and there to focus on my writing and get my words down on paper.

In previous blogs I have mentioned that you have to make time for yourself if you want to write.  Even though I am committed to my project, there are days when I'm tired or cranky or blocked, yet I don't give up.  I don't allow myself to forget what my goal is and why I'm doing this.  I'm not doing this for fame and fortune, though I wouldn't threw it away, but I'm writing because I like my characters and want to bring them to life.  It's that goal that makes me sit down once everyone is in bed and write for a few hours before I pass out.  Granted it's easier when inspiration is driving me crazy and nagging at me to type faster and get all my ideas down, but even when I'm not motivated, I still have to get things done.

I ask you, after a commute to and from work, after being yelled at by your boss or having trouble with your co-workers and dealing with customers, and then coming home, making dinner, stopping all the unnecessary sibling fights, do you want to sit down and write, probably not?  What I find most helpful is thinking about what I want to write during my spare moments in the day.  I love talking things out in the car, while making dinner, taking a long shower, but I have to find the energy to sit down at night and work.  There are weeks were I'm too stressed to concentrate but then I look forward to the weekend.  I steal any time that I can during those two days to kick the crap out of my keyboard and jam as much into the computer as I can.  For example, last weekend I added a scene to Book 1 that helps with an emotional response that I found was originally lacking.  I realized my character never really accepted that she loved the hero, or in this case, the anti-hero.  By adding a few paragraphs, I was able to show an important emotion that will balance out the story.  It took a few hours to re-work until I was happy, but it was well worth it and it didn't take weeks to write.  I also came up with a kick-butt opening to Book 6.  Something I didn't even know I had in me.

Balancing out your life is never an easy thing, no matter what your interests or responsibilities are, but it's important that you don't lose sight of your goals.  We are constantly kicking Thing 1 in the butt about what goals he should be setting in his life, goals for 1 year, 5 years, 10 years.  It's important to set realistic goals with your writing so that work and life won't overtake your passion.  Even if you get stalled for a week or two, don't just walk away and let your project sit around collecting dust.  If you are passionate enough about what you do and the story you are writing, you will learn to make the time alotted, work for you.  It may take a day, a month or a year to finish what you started, but don't let anything get in the way of your dream, even if it's bills.  If you want something badly enough, you will find a way.

Following the Lead

Last week I managed to gain a lot of headway on book 1, which is what I am supposed to be doing, yet all this week book 4 is haunting my backside.  Everything I do leads me back to the characters in that book.  I'm supposed to be creating the beginning of the series and setting up the characters, landscape and rules but the problem is, in some cases I already know the rules and don't want to stop and define them.  The other issue is, as I write the books in the future, the rules become clearer or I am able to think about them in different terms.  What's a girl to do?  Keep ignoring the characters that seem like they really want to come out and keep plugging away at the beginning, or am I allowed to play with the characters who are demanding attention?  I've decided to play in book 4 for a little while, lest I forget everything that I have come up with.  Slap me on the wrist but I'm going for it.

While driving this week I focused on a relationship that I knew was bad between two people, but I didn't know why it was bad.  I hate when I know the end, but don't understand the reasoning behind it.  I know they don't like each other and they have a long history of hating each other.  I met the first character in book 2 and he told me hated the character in book 4.  Well great.  At least I know something about them.  Unfortunately I only have his perspective on their relationship and as we know, there are always two sides to the story.  The character in book 4 really hadn't found his voice yet, so I didn't know why they really hated each other, what the core problem was.  Thankfully he spoke up this week and gave me a really interesting reason for the fight.  It wasn't something as simple as, he liked a girl that I liked, or he stole my favorite shirt, it was something more fundamental, faith.  They had lost faith in one another.  I was shocked.  The more I write these characters, the more heartbreak I seem to find.  All of the characters in each book know each other and have decided to go their separate ways.  My heroine is trying to bring them all together, and yeah right, make them get along. 

I feel like I'm writing a high school reunion as a minor theme underneath all of the paranormal aspects and kissing and plot.  I knew my characters no longer liked each other and decided to disperse into the world, but I didn't know how dramatic it would be to bring them back together.  While I haven't written all of the relationships yet, I know that I'm going to have to tackle the issue.  At some point they were mostly friendly with each other, but now so much as happened to them its hard to get past all of the old issues.  Can you ever become friendly with your high school bully?  Maybe, maybe not, but what about the guy who used to be your best friend, that you loved like a brother who managed to somehow change and leave you behind?  Can you forgive him?  I'm not sure about that either.  It's easier to continue hating someone that you feel you have reason to hate.  It's hard to hate someone that you should forgive and love.  I guess that's why families have such a hard time.  As much as you may want to hate them, something inside tells you that you should get a long with them, even if you would rather pull out your own eyes.

When you have a person that you are loyal to and take them as a leader, you put your faith in them.  You believe in what they are doing and want to help them attain a common goal.  It's doesn't matter if that goal is fighting a war, running for political office or making sure the gym is ready for the Homecoming Dance.  You follow someone because you believe they have the ability to accomplish something that you feel you can't accomplish on your own.  What happens when that person quits and leaves you in the lurch?  Do you pick up where they left off and become the leader?  Do you find someone else to take the helm and finish the task?  Do you quit and give up too, knowing that you can't do it yourself?  This is what my bad boy in Book 4 goes through, only it's not the Homecoming Dance he has to worry about.  He has to worry about losing himself to the darkness that surrounds him.  He looked to his leader to guide him when the choices were impossible to make. He had faith in his leader to get him through the tough spots because he couldn't do it on his own.  Once his leader was gone, my guy lost it.  He no longer knew how to function.  He gave up and turned to the darkness and lost faith.   Knowing this made me like my character so much more. 

All of these guys have done really bad things over time but you have to find a way to like them and redeem them.  I was not looking forward to writing the bad boy for book 4 because I thought he was just a jerk and not redeemable.  Then this huge reason for the way he is rears up and kicks me in the face.  Now I feel like I can write him.  I feel like can finally open up to him and allow is voice to come through.  I'm looking forward to finding out what happens between him and my heroine and if he can come to terms with his former leader.  If not, it should be a really great fight.

Why Write Romance?

While most people wouldn't bat an eye lash over someone writing a paranormal novel given the popularity of scary monsters and sexy vampires in our culture, many of them will raise an eye brow, or two when you tell them that you are writing a romance novel.  I get many interesting responses when I decide to share my secret with people that I know.  The responses range from interest and questions, to, "oh, that's nice", while changing the subject.  Others just don't quite know what to say.  The funny thing is, we are all adults and it's obvious that they enjoy intimacy with their spouses, yet it's still considered risque to talk about.  I try to limit my conversations when people hear that I am writing a book series and keep it vague on purpose.  Wouldn't want to offend anyone.  That isn't certainly is the kind of person I'm writing for anyway.  I am writing for the people who need a little kick start in their day who, even if they have intimacy, may enjoy hearing from someone else about their different experiences with relationships.  I know I do.

I didn't start reading romance novels, or even books, until I decided to read Twilight.  Before that I was more of a movie person, despite being an English major and writing for fun in my spare time when I was younger.  I always like vampires, so don't think Twilight turned me on to the paranormal, I have always been interested in the strange stuff.  But once I read Twilight, I realized that I could read for enjoyment instead of the books that I hated reading for English classes.  Much like me telling my son to write about things that interest him and blowing his mind, this book showed me that I could care about a character I had never seen in a movie (obviously I read it before the movie came out) and could make a connection to.  Up to that point in my life I had read Shakespeare, which was interesting, and some other books that were okay, but the majority of them were classics like Paradise Lost, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Tom Sawyer, The Yearling, The House of the Seven Gables, 1985, Brave New World, and the like.  While I could relate to some of the Shakespeare characters, as a kid I had trouble relating to fawns, kids from Missouri painting fences, futuristic government controlled worlds, new civilizations, odd mind altering drugs in a supposed Utopian society vs savage worlds and a house that had seven gables (my English teacher that year, God rest her soul, was terrible at teaching House of the Seven Gables and combined two different characters into one...Malborne Holgrave...even after being told by my one friend who had read the book, that she was making a mistake...so I only remember that much about the book).  My mind was had always been dark and has always sought out disturbing and dangerous characters.  Kids from Missouri who paint fences may have been real trouble makers at the time, but are not what I would consider dangerous.  Being a goody two shoes my whole life and having suffered from some seriously disturbing life altering situations, I tended to seek out the darkness to appease the side of me that was angry and frustrated with my life since I couldn't change it.  I channeled all my rage into the evil side of the stories.  I cheered for Maleficent when she turned into a dragon.  I wanted Keifer's vampire to win.  I would have been chosen for Slytherin.  So I had trouble finding my niche when it came to stories.

When I found Edward Cullen and his sullen life, I became addicted to him.  In my head, I removed his in action and recreated him into someone who had the best of both worlds.  He could kill with his teeth, yet he still got the girl.  In many senses I made him my own, just like most of the world.  What I was surprised to find was that I enjoyed the intimate moments that he shared with Bella.  Because of his raw power and killing potential, he had to force back his dark side and make himself kinder for her.  In many ways, I felt the same way.  I had to curb my anger and hatred and become kinder if I wanted my relationships to work out.  It was because of Edward that I remembered what it was like to want intimacy.  I had been going through a hard time in my life and I forgotten how to connect to people because of my pain.  <3 were having trouble talking to each other and remembering why weren't close anymore.  Edward unlocked some of the feelings that I kept hidden like, desire and love and kindness and compassion.  When people are in turmoil, they seal off the parts of themselves that can be hurt, to save themselves, and only show people what will keep their enemies at bay.  We snarl and growl to keep people away and protect ourselves.  Edward showed me how defensive and cold I had become.  In short, Edward helped me remember my softer side.  Ironic that a vampire, the creature I had turn to when I was angry with the world, could help me open up and discover what I was holding back.

After Edward, I wanted to find other books that would help to chisel away the ice inside of me.  I needed something to restart the fire and passion within me that I had buried.  My outer shell was too tough for anyone to get through so I needed to crack through it myself to be able to reach out to people. They certainly weren't getting in, so I had to get out.  I went to Barnes and Nobles and wandered into the taboo Romance section and was embarrassed at first.  What if someone saw the me there, oh no?  I picked up a novel and took it home and read it.  While the genre wasn't right, the cover had mislead me, I did find a little of what I was looking for.  I got to read about an impossible relationship and how the characters were attracted to each other and compatible, yet had to overcome great adversity to be together.  That was exactly how I felt.  Once I found the right genre, I made the connection complete.  I read about vampires who's emotions were locked away since they were warriors and how they found someone who made them want to change.  I read about how they learned how to love someone and be intimate.  Ultimately it helped me on many levels.  I found my passionate side, which is always fun.  But I also learned to how to trust someone.  I had to learn that it was okay for me to give a part of myself to them for safe keeping.  I didn't have to keep this wall around me to protect myself, even though I was already sharing my life with someone.  It taught me to rely on someone else for emotional support.  It showed me that I don't have to be an island onto myself.  For the first I trusted someone enough to be intimate.  So I fell in love with the genre.

My heroine was locked in Hell for years and years before I allowed to her to return to the human world.  In Hell she had been miserable, wandering around lost and insecure.  She feared everything and never grew up.  After years of holding her hostage, I finally let her interact with people.  That's when she found her romance.  Orginally, I came up with different men for her to deal with and learn from.  Over time she developed relationships with them.  That's when my story started to write itself.  Granted, as I've said, the characters in my head for 16 years aren't exactly the characters that I'm writing now, but the characters now have more substance to them.  When I started envisioning the men in her life, it was because they were cute or friendly, but once I started writing them, they took on problems and issues of their own.  In writing about her getting through to her men, I realized that I am writing about people getting through my own wall.  I have been able to throw all of my pain and experiences into my characters so that they can hold onto the pain for me and I can breath again. 

So when I write about romance, it isn't just about the intimacy between the characters, it'ss more about how they got to that point and what is going on in the moment.  They are allowing themselves to trust someone for the first time.  They are finding out that it's okay to have love and be loved.  That no matter what they did up to this point, they still deserve to be happy.  Most romance novels have that message at its core.  Unfortunately most people can't see past the bedroom moments to dig deeper into the message leading up to and following the bedroom scene.  I have cried more at my romance novels than I have from any of the books I read in High School or College and I think that's a good thing.  If you cry, that means you are connecting to something, whether good or bad.  While I may have cried with the deer died, it wasn't as gut wrenching as having a hardened man who had endured years of abuse finally embrace someone and tell them that they love them.  It gets my every time because it gives me hope.  At least they could eat the deer to survive if they needed to.

Good vs. Evil

When you come up with characters, you have to decide on whether or not your character will be considered good or evil.  There are plenty of gray areas in between to play with, but usually a character has to fall on their side of the line.  What happens when you have a character that has traditionally known to be evil and has been portrayed as a fiend forever but turns out to be good?  Can they overcome the predisposed notions that people have of them?  People have been turning vampires and werewolves from the horror novel/movie bad guys into redeemable people, worthy of love and human relationships.  Audiences have been falling in love these reformed evil creatures and now adore them.  Yet, there are still plenty of evil vampires out there to give us a good scare and remind up to lock our doors and windows at night.

What happens when you take a character that had been predetermined to be good and turn them evil?  I have been dealing a lot with angels in my books, but they aren't the Heavenly creatures that save people from burning buildings.  These angels all once started out as good creatures, but over time have been influenced by humanity and their wicked free will.  Now the shiny beautiful creatures are tarnished and are choosing sides.  Will they stay with God?  Will they strike out on their own?  I am playing with the ideas of good characters being less than good and evil characters being less than evil.  I don't think good and evil are as cut and dry anymore.  Evil has become redeemable, but what about good?

Think about the night in shining armor that rescues the girl from the dragon and the action hero that kills the bad guys and gets to kiss the girl in the end.  Now what happens if the dragon was really the one who was trying to rescue the girl and the night in shining armor had ulterior motives and wasn't really trying to hurt the girl?  What if the bad guys that are killed by the action hero are the ones who were stalking our supposed hero because he was running an illegal drug ring and our bad guys were really vigilantes helping the girl?  The lines become blurred when you try and decide a character's motivation.  Some of them are doing what is considered evil but for the right reasons.  How is a girl to know who to believe?  It becomes a matter of perspective.  I think it's time for the girl to decide for herself who's motivations are true and who is trying to snow her.  If it seems too good to be true, then it probably is.  Or maybe she should stop looking to her white knight to come along and get herself out of trouble.

While I'm trying to write a strong female character, I still want her to fall in love and care for people, but at the same time, I'm trying to teach her that black isn't necessarily evil and white isn't always good.  She has to evaluate each situation and decide for herself what is real.  I want her to forget about the preconceived notions of different creatures and look at what they are doing before deciding to trust them.  Maybe there shouldn't be good vs evil.  Maybe there should just be, open your eyes and ears and figure out what makes sense.